Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from Haunted House Chicago
‘Twas the fright before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a monster was stirring, not even a mouse.
The traps were all set by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would step there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of body parts danced in their heads.
And momma with her hatchet, and I with my axe,
Had just settled down for little night cap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what had splattered.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and ripped through the sash.
The moon on the breast of the blood-stained snow,
Gave a hideous glow to the objects below.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear:
The watchman was dead with a knife in his ear.
There, on the lawn, knelt a man rather thick,
The blood on his coat told me it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than vultures he sprang to his feet,
This zombified Santa was hungry for meat.
“Where are the children, I want them now!
On time and impatient I’ve come to your home,
I hunger for brains…and I’m not alone.”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricanes fly,
A legion of demons flew down from the sky.
And up to the house-top this evil took roost,
With red beady eyes and a long pointy tooth.
And then, in a heartbeat, I heard on the roof,
The digging and pawing of each demon hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came down with a growl.
He was dressed in all the hair of the dead he had skinned,
And his clothes were blood stained from both women and men.
With a bundle of cutlery, hung from his back,
He grabbed for a knife and began his attack.
His eyes – they stared through me! His smile, how scary it was!
His nose was all wrinkled, like an old rotten cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.
He slashed at my leg and I fell to the floor;
The stump of my limb he held tight in his teeth,
And the blood seeped from it, to white tile beneath.
He had a cruel face and some blood in his beard.
His expression was empty. For my life I now feared!
He was ugly and evil, a sick little elf,
And I knew things must change, for my kids and myself.
With my leg now missing, my wife surely dead,
I pushed from the floor and kicked St. Nick in the head.
He spoke not a word, but fell straight on his back,
And all the traps sprung a thunderous snap!
Laying there – writhing – right where he fell.
This Zombie passed right through the doorway of Hell.
The demons then vanished, my children were safe!
I sat there crying, beginning to faint.
But before I passed out, I screamed with all might,